In a follow-up to my blog post Low-rate recruiters – The bane of my existence, Michael Bramante (website) wrote me a hilarious email that I wanted to share, with his permission.  I have had many similar experiences as his:

I’ve worked alongside plenty of Indians in my career. They’re as likeable and competent as anyone else. Indian recruiters on the other hand are the bane of my existence and the worst thing to happen to the I.T. industry since the black plague. Typically they’re rigged to autodialing terminal/headsets calling from some sweatshop in Mumbai or Bangalore using a U.S. V.O.I.P. number to look as though they’re calling from the U.S.

I unfortunately have had the displeasure of dealing with many of these Indian recruiters. Most of the recruiter calls I get are Indians. Normally the conversations don’t last long. A few times, when I’m bored or out of sheer morbid curiosity, I’ll drag out the discussion until its grisly demise. The following dialogue is a composite of conversations I’ve had with Indian recruiters the elements of which I’ve suffered many, many times. Imagine the recruiter speaking in a rapid fire almost unintelligibly thick Indian accent.

I.R.: Ello this is Ganesh Gupta calling you from A.I.T.R. (Annoying I.T. Recruiters). How are you doing today?
Me: I’m ok.
I.R.: Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?
Me: It depends.
I.R.: Ello?

For some reason the say ‘hello’ when they mean any number of other things besides hello including: ‘what?’ or ‘would you please clarify?’ or ‘can you hear me?’ I like pretending they mean ‘hello’ as in the greeting.

Me: Hello

I return the ‘greeting’ and they think I can’t hear them or don’t understand what they’re saying.

I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello

This has actually gone on much longer than this. The passive aggression can be quite satisfying. Eventually I’ll give in and get the conversation back on track by letting them know I can hear them.

I.R.: Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?
Me: It depends.
I.R.: It depends?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Where is it located?
I.R.: You live in Washington, DC?
Me: Where…is…the…position…located?
I.R.: Yes the position is located in b..boom foc, Wyoming.
Me: I think it’s pronounced ‘Bum F*$k’.
I.R.: Oh sorry yes. Are you interested?
Me: How much does it pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: One million dollars per hour.
I.R.: Ha, ha, oh no. I am sorry the most we can pay you is dollar forty per hour.
Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: I think you mean forty U.S. dollars per hour.
I.R.: Yes.

This is significantly less than I can make anywhere in the U.S. It’s not uncommon for them to say the word ‘dollar’ when they mean that the amount is in U.S. dollars…not rupees.

Me: Is this on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: I’m asking you a question. Is the rate on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: What is the duration of this project?
I.R.: Hello?
Me: What is the duration of this project?
I.R.: This position is two months.
Me: What is the job title?
I.R.: JAVA developer.
Me: I’m not interested.
I.R.: You are not interested?
Me: I’m not interested because I’m not a JAVA developer. I design and build database systems. I’m not interested in relocating to Bum F*$k, Wyoming. The rate is too low. The duration is too short.
I.R.: We can pay one dollar forty-two per hour.
Me: I’m still not interested.
I.R.: Is the location of Bum F*$k, Wyoming ok?
Me: No.
I.R.: It is not ok?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: But the position is two months.
Me: Two months is too short.
I.R.: Two months is too short?
Me: That’s what I said. Also I’m not a JAVA developer.
I.R.: You are not a JAVA developer?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: Oh I see. Ok thank you. (click)